A Vegan Wants To Be Your Friend, The How To Guide To Survive

By now even if you're not a Vegan, you've probably seen an explosion of popularity for the movement all over the country. You can't pick up a magazine, go on youtube, or sit in a cozy Yale lecture room and not learn how being a Vegan is, well...FREAKING awesome. So naturally, it's inevitable, that you'll run across a few Vegans in the near future, that will either want to enter romantic relationships or just want to be your friend. Shots anyone? Now don't worry, we come in all shapes and sizes, colors and religions. But we all have one thing in common, which brings me to the first step:

Photo: (imgflip)

1) Don't take a Vegan to a steakhouse. That's pretty obvious, and you'd have to be living under a rock not to see almost every restaurant in this country has added Vegan options to their menus. But just because a place has something for us to eat, doesn't mean we want to go there. Think about it, meat makes us cringe! Of course, it's case by case, just don't be surprised if they don't return your texts, or you might find the staff murdered by a sharpened carrot (we all have them). 

2) Do ask a Vegan about why they went Vegan. Most of us either went initially for health, for animal welfare, or whatever reason, and we all love to talk about it. It's a revolutionary experience in one's life, and it leaves a person hungry to tell the good news. 'You don't have to kill to survive, you don't have to get diabetes just because it's in your family, you can live well, and compassionately!'  

3) Don't assume their Values. Literally, this is the big one for me. We're not all the same, most Vegans believe it or not, aren't all young hipsters. Okay, there's a few, but most of us are all around you. We live in your neighborhoods, we go to the same religious institutions, we like the same movies, music, and....well you get the idea, we're everywhere. Vegans come in all colors, genders, shapes, and sizes. 

4) STOP WITH THE JOKES. Seriously, when a sinner mocks a priest; the priest feels pity for the tormented soul. So likewise when you try your redundant arguments about canine teeth or the circle of life (Vegans hear it all day, every day) it doesn't work. Remember those sharpened carrots!

Photo: (Ecarazzi)

5) Don't assume you're being judged, because you're not. Almost every Vegan alive was just like you, eating meat and making fun of people who didn't.  If a Vegan is educating you, chances are you asked them to explain something. The most annoying thing to a Vegan is when we say no, for example to someone offering us something to eat, and then a non-vegan asking why not? We politely reply that 'we don't eat that, we're Vegan.' And then BAM, people blow up and get upset, then they think we are forcing our views on them? Honestly, what gives? We just answered your question.

You'll be fine when that Vegan comes into your life. Imagine it, you'll have a friend/partner that just wants you to be a healthier, stronger, more compassionate version of you. Call it yourself 2.0. Who doesn't like that? Well, let me know by following my blog and/or leaving a comment below. I would love for you to add to this discussion.

Also, check out this hilarious video I found.

Thank you guys for reading, I hope you got a few good laughs.

That Witty Vegan